Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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