I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize