Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
wow bdsm is so cute
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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