That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
