uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
