how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
