So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
