You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
