I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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