even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
