And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
