I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
