she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
