so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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