so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
this will be a night to untag.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
