i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
