I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
