why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
zippers are such a cool invention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize