Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
