Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize