I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
