2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
