Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Randomize
