There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
