I wanna passion pit in your ass
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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