; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
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She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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