Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
