I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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