im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I have aggressive nipples.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize