Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
