I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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