my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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