It's like God shit irony all over that family
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
