Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
