i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
