my mouth tastes like poor choices
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
