btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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