We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
