they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
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