Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize