I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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