So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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