P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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