some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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