i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
