Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
