toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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