at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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