After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
