on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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