I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize