so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
