your thong is hanging out like whoa
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
