I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
