I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
