So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
