But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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