i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
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