Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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