Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
