Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I didn't notice because vodka
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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