$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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