What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
