if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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