I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
